Make Me Stronger

[via]

Something you may not know about me is that I love tattoos. 

When they're done right, they can represent such beauty.

Even though I love them, I never had the guts to get one. 

I've always wanted one but I am such a big baby when it comes to pain. 

The thought of having to sit through something like that terrified me.

As I mentioned here, I am going through some major crap right now. 

I got to the point where I honestly looked forward to feeling the physical pain of a tattoo.. because maybe it would overpower some of the emotional pain I was feeling. Even if it was just for a bit. 

That sounds kinda dramatic, but it's exactly how I felt. And it's exactly what happened.

I decided to get "what does not kill me will make me stronger" in handwriting vertically along my spine.

I know this quote is not unique to me, but it is something that I have always repeated to myself through rough times. Even when I was younger. 

It's a quote that has deep meaning to me.

It's on my spine because that is my "backbone", something that holds me together.

The spine is also supposed to be one of the most painful places on your body to get a tattoo. That gave the quote even more meaning behind it. 

It starts from the bottom and goes up. Because I think that's true in rough situations -- when you're at rock bottom, the only place you have to go is up.

It was also done on a date that has a significant meaning to me.

I was screaming and yelling and talking jibberish during the whole tattoo session. I'm not going to lie, it felt like I was being sliced repeatedly with a burning knife. It was painful. But I kept telling myself it would be worth it in the end. As my tattoo artist put it, I had to accept that I was going to be in pain for a little bit but that it was only temporary.

As soon as the tattoo was done, I stood up and bursted into tears.

I think it was just an overwhelming mix of emotions that came over me. 

I couldn't believe that I actually went through it. I couldn't believe that I survived the pain. I felt so proud of myself for what may seem little to you but means so much more than just a tattoo to me.

You can't read it well in this picture, but it's still one of my favorites. It was taken right after the tattoo was finished and I was viewing it for the first time.

I know it sounds silly, but it makes me feel stronger.

Shoutout to Ryan at Tattoolicious in Waikiki for being so sweet and incredibly patient with me!